Putting it in perspective
October 18th, 2006
Went last night to my first in a series of Tuesday night classes for un-paid caregivers offered by my favorite geriatric social worker, David Robinson. There were about 25 people there and we went around the table telling our stories. Man oh man, it was enlightening. So many people there were in desperate situations. The worst was this couple who had just remarried and now had his mother with dementia and his disabled sister staying in a hotel room in town- they had just gotten back from Florida where his mom and sister had been abandoned by his brother and his wife when they got a divorce. So many sad stories. So much family dysfunction. So many unhappy marriages. My heart really went out to the spouses who were in unhappy relationships with their spouses and their families before their crises. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be if Ben was mean to me. Gosh we’re so lucky. Ben truly appreciates me and recognizes what I am doing for him. He’s never been angry except when I wouldn’t let him drive or smoke. Now he’s smoking a bit and he seems to understand why he can’t drive, we’ve had no arguments, for which I am truly thankful. I HATE arguing.
I’m still working on massive paperwork. Right now working on the VA stuff- since Ben was in the army during the Vietnam era, he qualifies for benefits now he is disabled. I’m not sure what we’ll get, but I am excited to find out. It was a bit difficult for me to fill out the paperwork that they gave me back in March since Ben was obviously no help. He used to think he was still in the army all the time. Usually he was a bird colonel or a general of course. Our case manager is wonderful and he loves the stories of Ben’s adventures as the general and almost a spy.
I’m also applying to get our property taxes frozen but they want so much paperwork it’s absurd and the assessor’s office so far have been the least helpful agency to deal with.
I’ve been trying to get free or cheap legal advice but keep hitting dead ends. I just bought my first month of pre-paid legal. It’s only $17 a month and supposedly we can get everything we need done through them like our wills and durable power of attorney, plus have all the free phone consultation we need. They’ll write letters for us etc. I’m anxious to see how we like them. Will keep you posted but I don’t see how we can lose. The elder law attorney who everyone recommended charges $200 an hour and no free consultation. We’d be into it for a couple of grand in no time.
Trying to do our 2005 taxes continues to be challenging to say the least. My stress level rises with the T word anyway, and now we are in such a mess with moving stuff around in Ben’s office when we had to sleep there for awhile etc. Fortunately our accountant Kevin has a good sense of humor and knows us. Kevin says Ben’s his most colorful client and claims that Ben sent three of the IRS auditors into therapy prior to this. He says he’d love to see them trying to audit Ben NOW. I’ve GOT to figure out how to get that scene into a movie- what a riot!
I’m going to take the train up to see my sister Jane in Burlington next weekend. It’s hard to get away, but I know it’s good for me. Ben’s well taken care of here. That’s another thing to be grateful for- last night I heard horror stories of caregivers. We are fortunate to have so many friends- it really makes a difference to know the person who is coming into your home. We have really lucked out in the caregiving department.
Ben continues to improve. He’s been sleeping a lot lately which I see as a good sign- I guess that’s the time his brain can heal the most- like plants growing when it’s dark. He’s doing difficult (4 digit) math problems right now and looking at the atlas- we can’t find our world globe. I just ordered him a large print world atlas on half.com. I need the large print too as last week I turned officially OLD- I can no longer read the phone book without reading glasses. Dang!
My little sister Sarah and my niece Abby are coming from New Jersey for a visit in November so we are looking forward to that. So all in all, life is pretty good- we keep plugging along and it seems to be uphill. Knock on wood.
Went last night to my first in a series of Tuesday night classes for un-paid caregivers offered by my favorite geriatric social worker, David Robinson. There were about 25 people there and we went around the table telling our stories. Man oh man, it was enlightening. So many people there were in desperate situations. The worst was this couple who had just remarried and now had his mother with dementia and his disabled sister staying in a hotel room in town- they had just gotten back from Florida where his mom and sister had been abandoned by his brother and his wife when they got a divorce. So many sad stories. So much family dysfunction. So many unhappy marriages. My heart really went out to the spouses who were in unhappy relationships with their spouses and their families before their crises. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be if Ben was mean to me. Gosh we’re so lucky. Ben truly appreciates me and recognizes what I am doing for him. He’s never been angry except when I wouldn’t let him drive or smoke. Now he’s smoking a bit and he seems to understand why he can’t drive, we’ve had no arguments, for which I am truly thankful. I HATE arguing.
I’m still working on massive paperwork. Right now working on the VA stuff- since Ben was in the army during the Vietnam era, he qualifies for benefits now he is disabled. I’m not sure what we’ll get, but I am excited to find out. It was a bit difficult for me to fill out the paperwork that they gave me back in March since Ben was obviously no help. He used to think he was still in the army all the time. Usually he was a bird colonel or a general of course. Our case manager is wonderful and he loves the stories of Ben’s adventures as the general and almost a spy.
I’m also applying to get our property taxes frozen but they want so much paperwork it’s absurd and the assessor’s office so far have been the least helpful agency to deal with.
I’ve been trying to get free or cheap legal advice but keep hitting dead ends. I just bought my first month of pre-paid legal. It’s only $17 a month and supposedly we can get everything we need done through them like our wills and durable power of attorney, plus have all the free phone consultation we need. They’ll write letters for us etc. I’m anxious to see how we like them. Will keep you posted but I don’t see how we can lose. The elder law attorney who everyone recommended charges $200 an hour and no free consultation. We’d be into it for a couple of grand in no time.
Trying to do our 2005 taxes continues to be challenging to say the least. My stress level rises with the T word anyway, and now we are in such a mess with moving stuff around in Ben’s office when we had to sleep there for awhile etc. Fortunately our accountant Kevin has a good sense of humor and knows us. Kevin says Ben’s his most colorful client and claims that Ben sent three of the IRS auditors into therapy prior to this. He says he’d love to see them trying to audit Ben NOW. I’ve GOT to figure out how to get that scene into a movie- what a riot!
I’m going to take the train up to see my sister Jane in Burlington next weekend. It’s hard to get away, but I know it’s good for me. Ben’s well taken care of here. That’s another thing to be grateful for- last night I heard horror stories of caregivers. We are fortunate to have so many friends- it really makes a difference to know the person who is coming into your home. We have really lucked out in the caregiving department.
Ben continues to improve. He’s been sleeping a lot lately which I see as a good sign- I guess that’s the time his brain can heal the most- like plants growing when it’s dark. He’s doing difficult (4 digit) math problems right now and looking at the atlas- we can’t find our world globe. I just ordered him a large print world atlas on half.com. I need the large print too as last week I turned officially OLD- I can no longer read the phone book without reading glasses. Dang!
My little sister Sarah and my niece Abby are coming from New Jersey for a visit in November so we are looking forward to that. So all in all, life is pretty good- we keep plugging along and it seems to be uphill. Knock on wood.
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